RUFC Fergusson for Millers

Why the delay with naming the new Millers manager? Well now vital can tell you. A previously un mentioned contender was so close to signing the contract this week. But the best laid plans can go astray and this time from the most bizarre source.

Vital Millers can now reveal that Alex Fergusson was about to put pen to paper this week and become the Millers next manager. In an audacious swoop Tony Stewart had persuaded the Manchester manager to leave Old Trafford for the challenge of the New York stadium.

It was in a meeting in a local restaurant where the scoop unravelled. Waitress Avril Primo-Pranks was there as the two were ironing out details of the deal. "Apparently the deal was based on the projected sale of pies at the new stadium. In effect they were hedge betting against the price of pies rising. This would provide the finance to bring Alex to Rotherham." Said Miss Primo-Pranks. "They think you`re a waitress and don`t understand these things" sighed the economics graduate from Rotherham.

The plan fell apart as Chancellor Osborne hit the pie plan for six by putting 20% VAT on hot food and skewing all the calculations. "They were phoning to see if by selling cold pies the VAT could be avoided. I mean, a cold pie? That`s like selling warm champagne with the prawn sandwiches before a game innit?" Miss Primo-Pranks railed.

"One man was said he wouldn`t have usually been interested but this was a chance not to be missed." Chirped the waitress. "A golden opportunity to start again and take the millers in to the premier in two years! Then it all fell apart" added the waitress and Millers fan.

So close yet……

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